Letting go

This entry was posted on 5/23/2007 4:41 PM and is filed under Daily News.

Mark had to fly to Sarasota last night (without notice) to handle some very difficult, uncomfortable business. As many of you know by now, today the doors to our former school have closed for good. Eviction has finally taken place and foreclosure on the business is soon to follow. It has been a miserable two years for us, filled with heartache and headaches. We have flown to Sarasota nine times since December in effort to help the school, re-negotiate terms to help the new owners through the hard times, and to handle legal issues (once it became clear that the fate of FLEX was something we couldn't fix.) We are so tired of feeling badly about things we can't control.  We tried to hold off taking action(at our own detriment and personal expense) so they could have their recital, but when the new owners took the issue to bankruptcy court, they suddenly had to answer to a higher court - to a judge. Now, there can be no more lienency for broken promises or avoiding responsibilities. 

They are only one week from their recital, so they can still have their show if they are as prepared as they should be at this point in the season. As for the dancers, well, we sold the building over a month ago to a former student, and there will be a new, fantastic dance school, patterned off ours, come fall. In respect to FLEX and their efforts to hold on until the end, we chose not to make this announcement, but now I think it is time. (I'll write about the exciting details tomorrow, but in the meantime, go visit www.SRQdance.com for a sneak peak.)  

But that is not what I am writing about at this time. The point is, I've been feeling really low all day. I can work up anger or disappointment, but mostly what I feel is intense sadness. It is compounded by the fact that one of us is here taking care of family responsibilities (with no notice to prepare to leave, I had no choice but to stay) and the other one is down there dealing with the grueling, poignantly sad, task of packing up our past alone. It is a very difficult time to be apart.

But just now, Neva came in and said, "Mom, there is some huge bug in the garage. It is buzzing, and flying around really fast.  But, I'm thinking it may be a hummingbird. Only I've never seen one up close. Can you come look?"
Sure enough, a hummingbird was trapped, battering it's tiny body against the glass door. So I carefully cupped my hands around it and softly lowered it into Neva's hands. Then, I took a picture for her. This is how small a hummingbird is. Remember, this is in little Neva's petite hands. . .

 
We only held it for a few moments, then we let it go. Neva marveled at how light it was, how delicate and small. She said, "It is like holding a puff of air."
I explained that sometimes, the best thing you can do for something very special is to let it go.

I need to remember that today.

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Comments

• 5/23/2007 8:56 PM Jaime wrote:
  Wow. I understand your inspiration for writing this blog, but it just moved me to tears. I already knew FLEX was done for, but the hummingbird just made it more real. I'm a nerdy English teacher, so of course I love metaphors. I'm sure I don't feel the same intensity of sadness that you feel, but I'm definitely feelings some pangs of it. I miss you. I miss FLEX. I'm thankful every day that my grandma found your advertisement in the phone book when she was looking to get me involved in some extracurricular activity. And I know you hate to hear it, but you changed my life in so many wonderful ways. I look forward to spending time with you real soon. Take care.
  Reply to this
• 5/23/2007 9:45 PM Jessica wrote:
  FLEX lives on in all of us. So cheesy to say, but it is so true. Decades later we are still connected, and always will be, by that beautiful pink and purple dance heaven that was our second homes for so long.
  
  Thank you for giving birth to that magical place, and to you and Mark for raising so much more than just dancers under that roof.
  
  While it is sad to say goodbye, I suppose it's better to burn out than fade away. Besides which, it seems there is already something new rising from the ashes...
  
  We love you guys. And as FLEX takes it's final bow, please know just how much it meant to all of us out here.
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  1. 5/24/2007 2:21 AM Ginny wrote:
     Thanks, Jess. It is nice to hear. Of course, someone should tell the guy who tried to run Mark over with a car in the parking lot today - or the people leading the other attacks he's enduring in Sarasota. People apparently are accusing us of the failure of the school, as if we had anything to do with the decisions made in the past two years. Um... our advice was ignored and we were physically kicked out of the building when we tried to visit to voice our concerns only months after our leaving. Why are we now to blame for the current state of affairs? 
     
     We left a healthy business that exceeded all projections only two years ago. It grossed far more than it ever did when we owned it. Yet everyone still considers us responsible for the dancers and they think we should carry the school beyond the many months we have already shown patience and leniency. All I know is, for eighteen years, we never let anyone down, making numerable personal sacrifices and exercising self control as we always put the school first. We were conservative and careful, and we did whatever it took to secure a stable, enduring school. 
     
      People have no clue how much emotional abuse and personal expense we've taken on in an effort to "do the right thing" to the very end. In conclusion, the new owners closed FLEX down by instigating legal measures in an attempt to avoid upholding their current commitments. They gambled and lost because a judge got involved. We had made numerable concessions already, but we were up against a wall, and couldn't give anymore. When someone throws a legal gauntlet at your feet, you have no course but to respond.
     
     The fact is, FLEX is not our school and hasn't been for a long time. We are simply the landlords with mortgages to pay ourselves, and this school collapse has threatened our financial stability too. Whether or not FLEX does or does not have a show, or whether or not they provide the services that they have accepted money for, is not our responsibility. If anything, we've been very uncomfortable watching them accept money for future services knowing customers and staff recieved misinformation regarding what was going on between us. Not easy to witness, as we wrestled with our moral responsibility in this arena too. By not taking action, it is possible more people would be damaged in the long run. It is awful.  We've had more FLEX stress, financial worry and heartache since leaving that school than we ever had as owners.  Not exactly what we had in mind when we retired.
     
     People seem intent on making us the enemy.  But then, all along they have chosen to believe what they wanted to hear rather than blunt facts and logic. Fact is, customers have enrolled in "FLEXPac" for two seasons now. They paid the fees for tuitions and tickets to them, not us. Current management is responsible for delivering the services they promised. We haven't stopped them. If anything, we've done all we could to make it easier for them to restructure and straighten out their problems.  But they do not make the kind of decisions we would make in the same situation, so we really can't understand their reasoning or second guess their long term plans. 
     
     While everyone wants us to take responsibility for the state of dance in Sarasota, we marvel that no one pauses to consider what we have lost in this ordeal. For us, this has meant far more hardship than simply being slighted a costume or a final week of dance class. The timing isn't perfect, but for all practical purposes, the school has fulfilled the season and should be ready to move into the theater to have their show. Their leaving our facility was a pre-ordained conclusion and doesn't come as a surprise to anyone. Both staff and management knew this was coming, even if they did choose to avoid facing the reality. Nevertheless, we've welcomed staff members to retrieve music or anything else they need to proceed with the recital.
     
     Meanwhile, people must remember that we stepped away from our livelihood counting on something to show for our many years of commitment and hard work. Now, those assumptions will not manifest, which threatens the lifestyle we chose in the aftermath. Frankly, we deserved better.  While everyone is frustrated by their loss of the final week in their dance school, our losses are far more significant and life impacting than those of the customers. But then, we are expected to make sacrifices because we always have. Somehow, others are exempt from such expectations. Explain that one to me.
     
     The saving grace, as I see it, is that we made choices in the best interest of the dancers to the very end. We could have sold the building to an ice cream factory, but we declined that offer and chose to hand it over to a dance school run by someone we respect, and to give them our support and help to get organized (as soon as the final legal issues are wrapped up so we are honorably free to do so). It will be a school that will rise above all the ridiculous drama that has been going on between FLEX and the other new school trying vainly to get a foothold in this market . (And as the voice of experience, we foresee some serious problems in that school's future too, but that is another issue.)  
     
     Frankly, people shouldn't be mourning FLEX, but celebrating. I think the dance experience they all really hope for is finally going to be available. Without all the drama and instability, or questions of artistic integrity or honesty.  Call me an optimist, but I think things will work out wonderfully in the end for the people who truly care about giving their child a positive, constructive dance education. And it will be housed in the wonderful facilty they know and love. It will give perfect closure to events that have left so many frustrated and dissillusioned.
     
     Don't mind me. I'm tired. And discouraged by today's events.
     I miss my husband. I worry about him. I imagine him alone, dismantling the school we worked so hard and so long to build, and I want to curl into a ball. We knew things would change without us, but we never expected this sort of finale. It is harder on us than anyone will ever understand . . . on so many levels. . .
     
     
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     1. 5/24/2007 1:43 PM Aslex wrote:
        Ginny,
        I am a "current" Flex mom and have been at Flex for about 7 years now. I witnessed Mark's kindess last night at the studio. I have to say the new owner was very kind as well. Music, props, etc. were allowed to be taken for the ever so hopeful recital. I am writing because I want you to STOP thinking everyone is blaming you and or Mark for the demise of Flex! I speak for the majoirty of the parents when I say WE do not blame you guys!!! Anyone with good business sense can see that if you don't pay the landlord you have to move. I can speak for most of us when I say we have stuck by the Flex owners through all the drama and supported them AND paid them. We have not recieved any word as to what to expect come recital time? What a way to treat your loyal, supportive, paying customers huh? Not a phone call not an email NOTHING! I can also say the majoirty of parents will NOT be following them to their new location (if that even exists) they havent paid the deposit yet. So, technically they have no agreement with the new location landlords. We all have the same concern we would like to keep as many kids together as posible where ever we end up. (if that is possible)We all really want the recital to happen but haven't heard from the studio owners as to what the plan is? You know why? There is no plan! So, again please do not let a few people make you think that we all blame you. The majoirty knows better than that.Good luck to you both.
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        1. 5/24/2007 3:14 PM Ginny wrote:
           Thank you,
           We needed to hear something like this, and we are very touched.
           Forgive me for posting your thoughts, but I wanted Mark to see this message too, and he is far away and in need of a boost.
           God Bless.
           
           
           Reply to this
• 5/24/2007 10:26 AM Lorraine wrote:
  Hi Ginny, I don't know if you remember me, and I don't care for this to be published on your website, but I wanted you to know that I am "on your side." We stayed with flex when Jodi left because she is all wrong. I quickly found that Mike and Barb are just as wrong in just about every way, but I couldn't take Rachel away from her dance of 7 years and her lifelong friends. I chose to stick out the year despite all the crap we've endured, knowing how it would eventually end because I've seen it all before. People like this are all the same. I just hoped it would hold on until recital time. I live in the neighborhood behind Flex, and I stopped in later last night to see what the papers on the windows were saying. Of course, they were sherriff's notices and such, but Cory and quite a few people were there moving some things in, so I talked to him a little bit. He taught Rachel's tap class last year and I knew he was a good guy. I congratulated him and asked him why now and not the end of classes next week. Of course, he did not share much with me, but as a business owner myself, I completely understand that sometimes business is just business - and necessary - despite personal feelings. I'm sorry that it has ended this way, but not surprised. Not at all surprised. Just disappointed that people can't just be honest. What's so hard about just being honest and living a true, respectful life? I don't get it!
  So, know that at least this family is in support and appreciation of you and all the hell you've lived to try to keep this together for our sake. We stand behind you and don't blame you for anything. You've gone far beyond the extra mile. Thank you. I'm really sorry that it has cost you so much, in many ways. I'm sorry that it has cost you your retirement. I also know that God works in mysterious ways. I pray that He will repay you many times over for all your heartache. Remember that crap is from people and their selfish behavior, not from Him. I can say this because I've lived it - sometimes crap must happen to weed out the bad to make place for the good, the fresh, and the new. Labor pains are extremely painful and birth is messy, but the end result is a beautiful thing. There will be good from this. There must be.
  God bless you.
  Lorraine Lambright
  Reply to this
• 5/24/2007 10:51 AM Kathy wrote:
  I have to agree with both Jaime and Jessica. And I want to Thank both you and Mark for making Flex such a big part of my life for so long. You all were my second family and the ones who knew me best. We shared so much and have so many great memories that we will keep with us forever. That sounds so corny but its true. Just know that the ones of us left from the beginning love you just as much as we did growing up and I am truely thankful for all you did. You gave me a love of dance that I still hold onto to this day. You shared a gift with us and we hopefully gave you something back in return. Thank you Ginny and Mark. You are two my second parents and will always love you! Muah
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• 5/24/2007 11:11 PM Meghan wrote:
  Dear Miss Ginny-
  Do not be sad to let go, those of us who love and care about you have already let go.
  
  The moment you took the steps out of the door we mourned the loss of our memories, past, and, most of all, our dance studio. No matter how much we were told that it would "all be the same" we knew, in our hearts, it wouldn't be.
  
  No one is my life has given me what you have. You are irreplaceable. Dance is the gift that will live in all of your students. FLEX is just a name and a place of where we saw YOU. You were the one who made it special. Without you, FLEX is just a place with mirrors and pink and purple walls.
  
  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
  
  Love Always,
  Meghan
  
  P.S. Go listen to "The Hardest Part of Love" from "Children of Eden."
  Reply to this
  1. 5/25/2007 5:59 AM Ginny wrote:
     I swear, I didn't pay her to say that!
     
     Reply to this
• 5/26/2007 1:31 PM A Flex Mom wrote:
  Dear Ginny,
  I came to Flex in the very end of your ownership of it. During the recital, I knew that it was the place to send my children. Since then, my daughter and son have taken dance and I, myself have become very much involved. Although I do understand the business aspect of the entire situation, I am very disheartened by the timing of all this. I know that the courts had most say and I know you have mortgages to pay. The timing is just so bad. I've been in contact with the new owners and they have assured me the recital will go on. As for Aslex's comment regarding no contact from the new owners, I for one, received calls from them. Current Flex parents must understand that Flex owners are first and foremost trying to secure a location for remaining classes to be held and they have many many phone calls to make.
  Ginny, I want to thank you for starting a wonderful studio. The new owners are trying their best to make it work. I, for one, will remain loyal to them as long as there is another Flex location to call home. I just wish other parents could be too. It seems to me that the parents that are being critical and very inpatient with the new owners are all very loyal to you. I respect that. You and Mark moved on and let go. I think those parents that are being so harsh should move on and try there best to give their support to the new owners like they would have given you in the same circumstance. If those Mark & Ginny loyal parents would give help and support to the new owners, as they still support you guys, maybe things would be better at Flex. Thank you for letting me say my peace. Although I don't think this will be published, at least I got a chance to be heard. Although I've only been involved for 2 years, my love for Flex is just as strong as those who have been involved since the beginning. My love is just not with the same owners.
  Reply to this
  1. 5/26/2007 8:58 PM Cory Boyas wrote:
     Dear Flex Mom--
     
     I am happy that you have found a dance studio that meets all of your expectations. Because in the end, that's what matters. Each studio has its own flavor, and I think I speak for all studio owners when I say that we all want our customers to be happy, and we all know we can't be all things to all people. It's about the right fit. Period. Each studio has its own strengths and weaknesses, and it is the customers' obligation to determine which studio is the right fit for them.
     
     My best analogy with your comments would be comparing New Coke and Coca-Cola Classic. Thousands grew up on the classic taste of Coca-Cola, and when New Coke came out, although it was hyped and market analysis showed it would be a runaway success, the public dismissed it, and within three years, it had been pulled from store shelves.
     
     So what went wrong? Basically the same thing you speak of in your message. People wanted the taste of old Coke. It was their preference and what they grew up with, and the right fit for them.
     
     I worked at FLEX for the 2005-06 season, and it was abundantly clear to me that the studio had changed ownership. The magic I had been a part of was absent to me. But that was my perception and my subjective experiences coming into play. I cannot speak for others. For the once a week student with the same teacher as previous years, there probably wasn't a noticeable difference.
     
     As a co-owner of SRQ, I certainly will be supportive of other dance studios in the area because they are not the competition. The competition is coming to my class every week. It is the studio owners'job to keep classes fun and innovative and keep its students happy by sharing the love for the art.
     
     I hope your children are having the same positive experiences in the classroom that were such a big part of my life. And I'm glad you found your right fit! Of course, (insert shameless plug here) should you want to consider other options in the future, our door is always open.
     
     Indubitably,
     Cory Boyas
     SRQ Dance Studios
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  2. 5/27/2007 12:06 PM K parent wrote:
     Tell that to the Crying upset LWR parent that called me yesterday in horror when she pulled up for dance class and there were signs on the door! She NEVER recieved a phone call nor an email! That was yesterday the 26th of May. I have NOT recieved any phone calls nor emails either.(they know mine) The ONLY reason I know what is going on is some other parents have forwarded the emails to me. Remember I am STILL a paying customer and do not owe any fee's until June to Flex. So,I feel that when my daughter danced at BOTH their pre-school graduation on Thursday and Friday of this week This was a perfect opportunity for them to walk up and say "hey, thanks for coming" And maybe "You know things will be OK, we are on top of it" Something! Anything! Instead they sat in the back of the gymnasium and never once thanked any of us parents for coming, nor approached us in any way. My feelings were hurt! I stood by them,I fought for them, I believed in them, I lost some friendships defending them when they had their "fued" with the other studio. They ignored me and everyone of us mom's and teachers who were at the preschool graduation. We were there to help them look good. It is just so sad, as Ginny has said evictions do not happen over night this has been going on for some time now. I wish No harm to the Mendison's I just wish they would realize it's probably time to say good bye. They are very nice people, just not good for a dance school I guess? I would like them to really get a feel of how many people they think will follow them just so that they can make a "good business" decision. If they should proceed or conceed? I personally have not talked to one parent that intends on following them. Although some will I am sure. I have decided its probably best to just tell them what my intentions are. (I think they know now)They do read this blog. I feel bad for them. I don't want them to open a new place with illusion's of granduor and then have to close in six months. We all have one thing in common we all no where we are NOT dancing next year. None of us have a clue as to where we WILL dance next year? I may just take a year off to decide who knows? The drama seems to be getting worse instead of better. I am grateful my children have NO idea what is going on other than Flex has closed. They are the important ones in all thes. We need to try to remember this and stop all the drama!
     Reply to this
     1. 5/27/2007 4:07 PM Cory Boyas wrote:
        As a father of four myself, I completely understand how you feel. I wasn't involved directly with the infamous departure of the FLEX Artistic Director or the current FLEX Co-Directors' lack of action in this time of self-inflicted turmoil, but just listening to concerned parents such as yourself over the past few days, and all of the horror stories they have shared, are the basis for Sharon and I to go forward with SRQ. It reinforces to us that we are indeed making the right decision, and that we are not alone in our feelings of the state of dance education currently available in Sarasota.
        
        When I was talking to two of our teacher candidates the other day, they point-blank asked me: "After all of this craziness, why on Earth do you want to open your own studio? Are you nuts?" I looked at them with a smile. "I probably am," I responded. "You may call me selfish, but the truth is that my children love to dance, and I don't have anywhere I can send them that I trust. I want a place where the students' best interest is placed first. And no ulterior political agendas exist. I'm not looking to get rich or become the dance mecca of Florida. I'm not concerned with the halls being adorned with the most gold trophies or being revered as the envy of the neighborhood. If you build dancers correctly, everything else will take care of itself. As long as my bills are paid and my children are smiling and receiving a quality dance education, then I'm happy."
        
        At the end of the day, as a parent we are left with two things-- our child's experience and a bill. If the experience far outweighs the cost of attending, then I consider the money well spent.
        Reply to this
        1. 5/27/2007 4:38 PM Ginny wrote:
           Ha. I'm starting to feel as if I am in a booth at a restaurant sitting silently and listening to everyone in the other booth debate something. Well, I am staying out of it now. But it has been nice to hear the mixed opinions and I marvel at the passion people feel regarding their stance, whatever it may be. In all fairness, I have posted every message that's come in regarding FLEX posts. Even when they made me grit my teeth or want to turn off the computer and avoid the subject altogether. As far away as we are, we could easily turn a deaf ear to complaints and never look back, but instead (and perhaps it is just old habits that die hard), we are trying to be understanding and to watch carefully to see what we can do to ease everyone's difficulties at this time.
           
           All I know is, dance is a wonderful way to teach children self discipline, and self-understanding. I hope all the confusion that has transpired doesn't make parents decide soccer looks better all the time. For all that we can focus on what was lost, I force myself to see what is gained.  I am very proud that out of this mess I know a great school will remain standing and Mark and I are happy we can help to make it the best it can be. Cory and Sharon will take it from there, and we expect wonderful things. 
           
           And for those people who could be (and are) involved, yet they take the time to ask about my bees, my peacocks, and to share a joke about my gardening foibles, I thank them. Those individuals are why I write this blog. It is, afterall, to celebrate friendship and change and growing old and to poke fun at how we are doing it, perhaps not so gracefully, but with a heck of alot of curosity and a sense of humor.
           
           You are dear friends and I appreciate that you don't let us forget it.   
           
            
           
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